I am a Vilomah
My name is Louise Marie & I am a Vilomah.
On the 3rd of December 2006, I was blessed with the most priceless gift in life, the gift of becoming a Mummy, for the first & only time at age 29.
The Universe had gifted me the blessing of a son, named Alfie Jack. A gift I had desired & dreamed of for as long as I could remember. It was the happiest day of my life.
Sadly on the 15th of December 2007, Alfie grew his Angel Wings at just 12 months & 12 days old from an extremely rare, degenerative, genetic condition, named Krabbe Leukodystrophy.
For 11 years, I struggled with the fact, that to my knowledge there wasn't a commonly known word, for what I had become. A word, that could encapsulate what had happened to me & that the world, would understand, when I used it.
All I knew is, that I am still & will always be a Mummy, but in a spiritual way & not the physical way I used to be. I still had the love held deep inside me, the dreams of the milestones to be conquered & the adventures we would have together. Along with the 'empty arm syndrome', the tears, the complete heartache & devastation, the disbelief that this had happened.
I no longer felt I belonged to a recognised group of society, because the word wasn't there for me to use. I hated & still do, answering "No" to the question, when asked, "Do you have children?" I would say "Yes, I am a mummy to an angel child. I am an Angel Mummy." Sometimes, this makes the person who asked, feel awkward or they don't register the answer & ask "What do you mean?"
As we all know, there are the words, 'Widow' or 'Widower' for the loss of a spouse & you are an Orphan, when you loose your parents. These are words everyone knows & people respect them. However, I have struggled, not having found the word to use for my situation, until my amazing partner, Mark, found it in 2017.
The word I had become, is a 'VILOMAH'
The word 'Vilomah', comes from the Sanskrit language, which gave us the word 'widow', which means empty. Sanskrit is one of the oldest known languages in the world. It is found in the scriptures of Hinduism, Buddhism & Jainism.
This word, gave me such comfort & a sense of belonging, after 11 years of not knowing what to call myself. I know this word & explanation will mean so much to other parents, who like me, have lost a baby or child, during pregnancy, cot death, medical conditions or accidents. We are 'Vilomah's', our journey's & experiences are important. Our child's lives no matter how short or at whatever age they are lost are important.
It is important to me, to share my story & to bring into the light, the knowledge of the word 'Vilomah' to the world & mainstream vocabulary.
Here are two links which will provide you with lots of charities & organisations who are able to support Vilomah parents & families following the death of a baby or child.
Baby Loss Awareness Alliance
National Bereavement Care Pathway
I hope this information has given you comfort & the knowledge you are not alone. Please may I ask you to share this information with those you feel would benefit from reading this & help me bring the word 'Vilomah' into the light.
I have a poem for you that was given to me when my Alfie passed away. I think it is beautiful & feel that this will provide comfort to those who like me, have a baby or child no matter their age in heaven.